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"Gotta map it!"
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This is a transcribed copy of "Craig of the Car". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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Craig of the Car Gallery Transcript
Speaker Dialogue
Craig Why did we have to get these boring suits? Why not scuba suits or leftover Halloween costumes? Both were on sale! I mean, you can't pass on that kind of bargain.
Bernard Mum and Dad don't want you wearing a scuba suit or your dirty creek clothes to Aunt Tina's this year, you need dress up for the holidays.
("Bernard puts the seat belt on")
Bernard if you're gonna represent our family, it takes a certain amount of finesse, and attention to detail-
("the car crushes and cuts Bernard off")
Bernard *Deep inhale*, I'M FREAKING OUT I'M FREAKING OUT, OH MY GOSH I'M FREAKING OUT, Mum and Dad will never let me drive alone again.
Alexis Oh, sweetie it's just a small scratch they'll probably won't even notice.
Craig not unless someone brings to their attention.
Bernard I'll do whatever you want just don't tell Mum and Dad.
("cuts at the creek")
Kelsey You're slain! You're vanquished! You're banished!
("JP's phone starts ringing")
JP JP's phone JP here, Oh hey Craig, Oh nothing Kelsey is fighting the air and I've been staring the sun for a real long time, what's that? Oh I'll ask her, hey Kelsey, wanna help Craig extort his brother?
Alexis Hey guys!
Kelsey and JP Hey Alexis!
Alexis Aw, this is so fun, it's like we're going to a road trip.
Bernard *SIGHS* Where do you little monsters wanna go?
Craig Well, my tummy's feeling a little rumbly, you guys thinking what I'm thinking?
Stump Kids BURGER QWEEN BURGER QWEEN BURGER QWEEN.
Craig Mmm, you know what's wierd? There's so many sesame seeds on this burger bun but all I taste is bread.
JP I think it's just an aesthetic choice.
Bernard Okay, you got your dumb burgers, you ready to go home?
Stump Kids and Alexis PIZZA PAN PIZZA PAN PIZZA PAN.
Craig this pizza's so cheesy.
Kelsey I fear I'm becoming more cheese to warrior, but I'm also fine with it.
Alexis So, where are we heading next Captain Craig?
Bernard How about home? There's nothing else in this stupid strip mall except a dusty old pharmacy!
Stump Kids Pharmacy! Pharmacy!
Bernard Ugh!
JP Oh, hey look, it's a Duck Mart!
Stump Kids Duck Mart! Duck Mart!
Kelsey [ Gasps ] Look! It's Big Boy Roy's Lumber Shack!
Stump Kids Lumber Shack! Lumber Shack!
Bernard That's it! I'm done! I'm done driving you guys to any and every place you can think of! You can tell Mom and Dad about the scratch! I don't care!
("Bernard hits the break")
Craig Uh, I think they'll notice this.


ve Episode transcripts
Pilot Pilot
Season 1 "Itch To Explore" • "You're It" • "Jessica Goes to the Creek" • "The Final Book" • "Too Many Treasures" • "Wildernessa" • "Sunday Clothes" • "Escape from Family Dinner" • "Monster in the Garden" • "The Curse" • "Dog Decider" • "Bring Out Your Beast" • "Lost in the Sewers" • "The Future is Cardboard" • "The Brood" • "Under the Overpass" • "The Invitation" • "Vulture's Nest" • "Kelsey Quest" • "JPony" • "Ace of Squares" • "Doorway to Helen" • "The Last Kid in the Creek" • "The Climb" • "Big Pinchy" • "The Kid from 3030" • "Power Punchers" • "Creek Cart Racers" • "Secret Book Club" • "Jextra Perrestrial" • "The Takeout Mission" • "Dinner at the Creek" • "Jessica's Trail" • "Bug City" • "Deep Creek Salvage" • "The Shortcut" • "Dibs Court" • "The Great Fossil Rush" • "The Mystery of the Timekeeper" • "Alone Quest"
Season 2 "Memories of Bobby" • "Jacob of the Creek" • "Return of the Honeysuckle Rangers" • "Kelsey the Elder" • "Sour Candy Trials" • "Fort Williams" • "The Other Side" • "Summer Wish" • "Turning the Tables" • "Kelsey the Author" • "Council of the Creek" • "Sparkle Cadet" • "Cousin of the Creek" • "Camper on the Run" • "Stink Bomb" • "Evolution of Craig" • "The Haunted Dollhouse" • "Craig and the Kid's Table" • "Creek Daycare" • "Sugar Smugglers" • "Sleepover at JP's" • "Tea Timers' Ball" • "The Cardboard Identity" • "Ancients of the Creek" • "Mortimor to the Rescue" • "Secret in a Bottle" • "Trading Day" • "Crisis at Elder Rock" • "Kelsey the Worthy" • "The End Was Here" • "In the Key of the Creek" • "The Children of the Dog" • "Jessica Shorts" • "Ferret Quest" • "Into the Overpast" • "The Time Capsule" • "Beyond the Rapids" • "The Jinxening"
Season 3 "The Other Side: The Tournament" • "The Ground Is Lava!" • "Council of the Creek: Operation Hive-Mind" • "The Bike Thief" • "Craig of the Beach" • "Plush Kingdom" • "The Ice Pop Trio: Creek Street" • "Pencil Break Mania" • "The Last Game of Summer" • "Trick or Creek" • "Fall Anthology" • "Afterschool Snackdown" • "Creature Feature" • "King of Camping" • "The Rise and Fall of the Green Poncho" • "I Don't Need a Hat" • "Alternate Creekiverse" • "Snow Day" • "Winter Break" • "Snow Place Like Home" • "Breaking the Ice" • "Winter Creeklympics" • "Welcome to Creek Street" • "Fan or Foe" • "The New Jersey" • "The Sunflower" • "Craig World"
Shorts "Craig of the Car" • "How Was Your Day?" • "The Williams Family Opening Theme Song" • "How to Map the Creek" • "Creek Kid Rap"
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